


The Perils of Orange and Cream Soda

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-31
Updated: 2004-01-31
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:14:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7711141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quite drunk and waltzing to Yellow Submarine... oh the possibilities...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perils of Orange and Cream Soda

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years . To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

Elijah had passed out long ago. Dom and Billy, however, had a much uglier predicament on their hands: together they’d drunk all the alcohol in the house. What to do?

Dom decided to embark on the perilous journey through the pizza boxes and empty beer bottles and prostrate bodies to explore the wondrous depths of the Refrigerator. Billy followed, only falling twice, and became enthralled with the way the door swung back and forth when one hung on it in a certain way. Dom, however, was more focused on the task at hand: to find something else to drink.

He eventually decided on some sour cream, but once he figured out how to open it he realized that the lovely blue stuff inside was more food than drink; so he put it back in and finally, with Billy’s help, pulled out a pitcher of tea. He found a glass and began to pour; most of it actually ended up inside the glass itself. Of course, he’d always been proud of his stability when drunk.

Meanwhile, Billy had found an orange bottle that was labeled, “Oxford Yummies Concentrating On Forty-Two Giraffes” or, when you were sober, “Stewart’s Orange and Cream Fountain Classics.”

Together with their precious beverages, they trekked back to the living room to make toast after toast to anything toastworthy they could think of. They soon became bored arguing about whether or not they’d already toasted to their new married life together, so Dom put in a CD of slow dance music. Which happened to be the Beatles.

After a few bouts of trying to fix the stereo before realizing that the disc was in upside down, they began to dance together to his favorite song, Yellow Submarine. They swayed slowly across the floor, in perfect rhythm (or not, depending on whether crashing into the wall was rhythmic) and they simply enjoyed being that close as friends, cherishing the moment and trying not to think of the hangovers they’d have the next morning.

Until Dom looked at Billy’s mouth. There were three of them, but the one in the middle seemed to be orange. Either the soda had turned his lips orange or Billy had been smooching those darn pumpkins again.

Then Dom wondered if his mouth actually tasted like the soda that had indubitably turned it that delicious shade. The curiosity became unbearable, and anyhow he’d always loved Billy’s lips and wondered if he could ever have the chance to kiss them. Well, now was his chance.

He leaned in and did just that, and found that a) Billy’s mouth tasted sugary and orangey and basically freaking delicious, b) he was a good kisser and c) he was swaying dangerously. Dom reluctantly broke away, still drunk on the orangey sweet Absolut on Billy’s breath, and murmured perceptively, “Wiffle napbite swagger!”

Billy looked at him through half-lidded eyes and replied, “Stop the room, please, I’d like to get off...”

They clung to each other to keep from falling over, and managed to get in some deep orange kissing. Dom was even seeing orange, something that happened extremely rarely, and about that time gravity had intervened and they ended up on the floor. This was, he decided, very good, except for the fact that Billy was unconscious.

So much for that idea, he mused bitterly. He won’t remember it in the morning. I’ll probably never get a chance like that again in my whole life. Wow, Lij should keep that stuff in his fridge more often...

But in the morning, Billy woke up to find Dom asleep quite on top of him, and he couldn’t recall what had happened the night before except the taste of iced tea. Yes, the memory of tea was oddly linked quite strongly to the man currently out cold on top of him. He could have sworn that he’d had orange soda and Dom was the one who’d had the iced tea... And to confuddle things worse he had an abiding memory of something to do with a submarine... And he wasn’t even sure that confuddle was even a word.

Hmm. Best wake Dom and ask him about it. He would know.


End file.
